Austin Sardoni
LE GAB
Stacey: I still don’t understand why your parents have to spend the night. You know she’s psychotic. Remember last time they came over when she rearranged my entire kitchen?
Drew: It’s just for 1 night. It wont kill ya. I thought you would be happy. We haven’t seen them in a while. I thought i would be a breath of fresh air.
Stacey: Well you were wrong, and If she so much as says one more thing about my poor taste in curtains. I swear Drew I’m going to...
Drew: Ok, Ok. Lets just get some sleep. Good Night Sweetie.
---
Drew: Good Morning Stace.
Stacey: Good Morning. I know I was a little short with you last night. I apologize for that. Drew: Oh Stop, Don’t apologize for that, lets just forget it. Lets go down stairs and greet my parents for the morning.
Stacey: Ok. Im in the mood for a bagel. Would you like one also?
Drew: No thanks I’l stick with my cereal.
Stacey: Do we have butter?
Drew: No I don’t think so. But we may have some Cream Cheese.
Stacey: Awesome, thanks Babe.
---
Drew: Morning Mom, Dad.
Dad: Morning son.
Mom: Morning dear, I hope you don’t mind but I heated up some of the raviolis that we had last night for dinner.
Drew: Whats ours is yours, and Dad what did you eat?
Dad: I had a bagel.
Drew: Great! Thats what Stacey is going to have also, she should be down soon.
Stacey: Oh Hi Mrs. McGowan, Mr. McGowan. How was your sleep?
Dad: It was wonderful dear just wonderful.
Mom: The sofa was a bit lumpy. I told you we should of brought our air Mattress in from the car. (to Dad.)
Drew: Would you like me to prepare your breakfast for you sweetheart?
Stacey: No. I think I can manage.
---
Drew: Are you OK honey? You don’t look so good.
Stacey: I don’t feel so good.
Drew: Do you think it was something you ate? What have you had to eat in the past 24 hours?
Stacey: A bagel, a panini, and a few M&Ms, thats it.
Drew: Do you think it was the Panini?
Stacey: I don’t think so.
Drew: the M&Ms?
Stacey: No. I think it was the bagel I had earlier today. Either that or its your mother.
Drew: Come on! She was very nice today. She tried very hard.
Stacey: Think about it, just for a second. What did she have to eat today?
Drew: She heated up Raviolis. Why? What are you saying?
Stacey: I’m saying that she sabotaged my food for the day.
Drew: OK. Now your talking crazy. But if you feel that your really on to something then I can look into it so more.
now you get some sleep.
Stacey: Thanks Andrew.
Drew: Good Night.
---
Doctor: Yes. Just as I suspected. It’s allergic.
Drew: Huh?
Doctor: Your wife has gone through an allergic attack. This can be triggered by a number of things, pollen, common germs, food.
Stacey: FOOD!?!
Doctor: Yes. It is possible that this has happened because of something you ate.
Drew: Thank You Doctor.
Stacey: Did ya hear that!? FOOD!
Drew: I heard. I heard. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that ...
Stacey: I know exactly what it means! Your mother has always hated me and NOW! Well now she is just trying to finish me off.
Drew: Don’t be delusional.
Stacey: DELUSIONAL!?!?!?!?! Whose side are you on Drew? Would you like to see me killed?
Drew: ...
---
Drew: Mom! Can I talk to you?
...
Drew: MOM! MAY I SPEAK WITH YOU! FOR JUST ONE SECOND!
Mom: What’s all this yelling about?
Drew: Mom, how were your raviolis this morning?
Mom: My what?
Drew: Ma! The RAVIOLIS! How were they? Did they taste good? Did they taste in tip top shape?
Mom: They were fine.
Drew: Could it have used anything? Maybe some cheese or a little more pizzaz?
Mom: Drew? Are you alright? You don’t look well.
Drew: No, I’m fine but Stacey isn’t.
Mom: ugh, what now?
Drew: She is very sick. And she is only allergic to 2 things. Shellfish and Ricotta Cheese. Mom. Did you feed Stacey Shellfish in the last 24 hours?
Mom: Andrew, don’t be silly.
Drew: But you did have Raviolis yesterday morning and the night before last correct?
Mom: Well Yeah.
Drew: Mom... Did you give Stacey Ricotta Cheese?
Mom: No. I swear on the angels I didn’t. But I may have...
Drew: MOM! WHAT DID YOU DO TO STACEY!?
Mom: A few nights ago I was rearranging your cabinets and I noticed a half full carton of Ricotta Cheese and a near empty carton of Cream Cheese. So I thought that I would do you a favor and just throw out the Cream Cheese container. But when I was reaching for the near empty carton of Cream Cheese the half full carton of Ricotta Cheese hit the floor. I immediately picked it up and then I proceeded to clean out the Cream cheese container and put the Ricotta Cheese in it. I guess she had a Ricotta cheese bagel and didn’t notice. I am SO sorry. Really Drew, I didn’t mean anything to it. Can I see her I want to apologize.
Drew: No
---
Officer Frank: What do we have here today Jim?
Officer Jim: Well we got a 58 maybe 59 year old female. Were running our tests but to the looks of it she was choked to death, obviously by force, with get this... Cream Cheese.
Officer Frank: Woah. Thats a new one.
Officer Jim: Yeah we will be done here in a few minutes you don’t have to wait up.
Officer Frank: No. I want to. Where do you want to eat tonight?
Officer Jim: I really wanna try that new Crab Shack. Ya know the one across the street from that bank. My buddy said that they have the best Shellfish in town.
"Santa Clause got stuck in my chimney"- Ella Fitzgerald
1 comment:
well done......dad
Post a Comment